Are You Authentic In Your Faith?


Are You Authentic in Your Faith?

I didn't know what brought him there or why it happened that  Duality Reviewway, but when I left it felt like a cloud was lifted off of my life. I felt like I should have been crying, but all I could think of was my dreams a few days before. It was so clear, they were meant to prepare me for what needed to be done. A few years back, I wrote him a letter and mailed it to an address I thought was his.

I had no way of knowing if he ever read it or if it meant anything to him. I do know it didn't bring me the closure I wanted. I was not prepared for what happened and never dreamed that it would happen that way, I have always thought about what I would say if I ever saw him again. I realized that many of the things I have struggled with as a mother, wife and adult were related to not just forgiving him, but forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for the pain and shame I have carried all these years. The things that he had done will never be forgotten, but I can live a life closer to Christ knowing that my heart was pure in forgiving him. Ultimately, his actions are not for me to judge or let define who I was or who I have become.

That day, I became a reality to my father. I felt that he finally saw me as a human being, not the object I was as a child. I also became a projection of Christ to him. I was given the grace and dignity to choose to be a better human being than he ever was. I was also given the blessing to show him how to be Christ-like and how to forgive.

I am not angry anymore, I feel like much of the hole in my heart has been filled and I am where I am supposed to be. I also know that it was really a pure state of forgiveness and I never once thought about taking it back. My statement of forgiveness to him does not in anyway excuse the choices he has made in is life, but I hope that somehow it will help him to heal and be a better person for the rest of his life. I know that my life will never be the same.


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