Reaching Down The Well

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Reaching Down the Well

Adding to your loved one's problem, you have notSecret Death Touchesreally done the right thing by them even though your intentions may have been good. Better would they have been served if you remained in a position of strength at the top of the well. Using this strength for their benefit, they can rise up and beyond the circumstances that previously immobilized and isolated them. Grabbing their hand and pulling them to freedom they reap the rewards of empathy which promise much more than any act of sympathy can hope to deliver.

Although they are often confused for each other, empathy and sympathy are not the same thing. While the latter focuses on the negative emotions that one is experiencing, the former focuses on understanding the person and taking the journey with them. Sometimes this is extraordinarily difficult because we may not have experienced what another has. Limited in this respect, we are however capable of opening our hearts to enter the inner world of another. Doing this in the spirit of unconditional love, acceptance and understanding, we can lend others our strength, faith and resilience, and help them to overcome in moments of weakness or pain.

Like the hero who throws down a rope and pulls their loved one from the well, we help others to heal their hurts when we care enough to listen to what they are going through and the need that they have to not be lonely in their suffering. Holding their hand and letting them know that we will walk with them, we do more than just saying that everything will be okay, apologizing for their loss or expressing our own grief.

Each of these expressions of sympathy, while serving their own purpose, do not allow us to authentically meet the other person where they are. When we express our own grief, we make ourselves, not the other person, the focus of the moment. Similarly, when we apologize to someone for something that has happened to them, we stop short of understanding what the other person has gone through, preferring instead to verbalize the effect that their experience has had upon us. Incapable of validating their feelings in this respect, we sit at the bottom of the well with them, powerless to assist them with our strength, wisdom and love.

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